This is All Too Lana Del Rey-y
Hey Lana: It’s Gonna Get Better
This is not the end of it, but it could have been worse. Hey, Ashlee Simpson bounced back, right? Right? I mean, she’s somewhere, doing something. She’s still Jessica’s sister. That can’t be that bad. It makes you interesting by proxy. I don’t know if you have any famous relatives, but I’d give them a call. Hey. Hey, no need to cry now. Worst comes to worst, a.k.a. your record release bombs just as bad as your performance, you still can be a lip gloss model. Or Angelina Jolie’s lips double. I don’t know, you’ll figure it out. Just hang in there. Harry Potter is on your side, so you can ask him to use some magic to help you out.
The Lana Del Backlash Continues
One of the worst outings in SNL history
25 Things Lana del Rey Sounds Like
Things that sound like Lana Del Rey’s performance on SNL:
- My dog’s ass after he sneaks some chili
- a melancholy hobo on a riverboat
- a large land mammal in mourning
- an internet singer trying to perform live on TV
- Glee having a stroke
- a poet from Starbucks
- the inside of Rebecca Black’s head
- Michael Clarke Duncan in the shower
- one of those talking trees from Lord of the Rings trying to seduce another tree
- the worst lyricist ever
- CHUD on Broadway
- a girl whose dad is a millionaire who bought her a music career
- Ashlee Simpson’s understudy
- the aural equivalent of an abscessed tooth
- lazy hatred in music form
- Un-autotuned digestion
- Love poetry from a highschool drop out who gets high too much
- a terrible sign of the times
- the musical version of Clint Howard’s career
- the worst musical guest on SNL in ages
- A dumpster magically granted life
- a Morlock
- Mr. Hanky’s warm up routine
- a joke on all of us
Lana Del Rey Tells Us What’s What
Lana Del Rey addresses her critics after her dismal performance on Saturday Night Live.
I Look Uncomfortable on Stage.
Staring off into space with a blank look on your face is very cutting edge and avant-garde. It’s about circumventing your expectation of what a performer is supposed to do on stage. You think I’m going to entertain you with tons of charisma and stage presence, but that would be giving you what you want. My art is transgressive. I am not interested in placating your need for gratification. I want to upset you.
You can watch the “performance” here.